So.... I have eleven weeks before I leave. And the experiences I've had with friends and family since I received my invitation have been really interesting.
First, my BFF from childhood, (love you Roxie), wanted to know if I was really really really REALLY sure that I wanted to go, and to let me know I could still change my mind. I know this comes from love. She is 95% happy for me and 5% sad for herself. I understand this--I'll miss being able to pick up the phone at any time and talk to her. I'm 5% sad too. But still 95% happy.
My BFF from adulthood, Tina, pointed out that fashion would probably not be my priority--when I was lamenting the fact that all the stores were selling winter wear and that I needed summer clothes. She is right. And, as she has been my hairdresser for over 25 years, she also pointed out that coloring my hair to rid myself of the "gray" might not be a priority either. I'm still dealing with this fact.....I'll let you know when I figure out how to deal with this situation. I felt earlier this year that she was a little angry with me over my need to do follow this path into the Peace Corps. She couldn't really understand why. But what I've figured out is that the people who love me have felt this way, in varying levels. They might not completely understand what has pushed me here, but because they love me, they will support me no matter what. I am really lucky to have this kind of support. Unconditional. And wherever Tina is, I have a home.
My mom has been great-- she is proud of me. She is happy for me. She wants to know everything I know and she is learning to SKYPE, and is anxious but so very proud.......The subscript of every conversation is that she will miss me, and she will worry. I currently speak to my mom every day. I don't think a PC volunteer salary will allow that to continue. Regardless of whatever has happened in my life, my mom is always available for a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or just a comforting voice to hear. I'll miss you too, mom. Every day.
My sons---------- Now my boys are smart young men. They have really good heads on their shoulders and I know they will be fine without me. They are now. I don't speak to them daily, and sometimes not even weekly. I call them when I need a "fix" and they do the same. I know they have their own lives to lead and I am proud of them for doing it so well. But they were the last to respond when I texted out the message "I am leaving for Thailand in January". In fact, I had to text them again and make sure they got the first message. I had dinner with them this week and they asked a lot of questions about what I would be doing, where I would be, was I ready? But I was reassured that they are happy for me. Still the question lingers......will they miss me? Maybe not--but I'm pretty sure they will be happy when I come home. You never fully appreciate your parents until they aren't available. Right?
My brothers-- One, Josh, the person in my family most like me, will definitely come visit me. Of this I have no doubt. The other Gary, my rock and anchor, who when he was is Iraq made it unable for me to take a full breath of oxygen until he returned safely-- he gets it, totally. He is nothing but supportive and encouraging, while still kicking me in the butt when I get too idealistic or romantic about the upcoming experience....... he knows me better than anyone and wants to keep me grounded. I am grateful for him.
My friends have been primarily supportive and I love them for it.
The most surprising as been my dad, though. My dad and I have had a long distance relationship for most of my life. He has never been to a play, choir recital, volleyball game, or wedding for that matter. But we love each other. In a detached kind of way. But since getting word that I am really going, he is full of wisdom, advice, suggestions, and concern. I know this comes from love--I know he loves me. I guess it is just strange to hear that love expressed to the best of his and my capabilities, as frequently as it has been lately. Small blessings, huh?
I shopped yesterday and found some skirts on clearance sale. In Thailand, 5-6 days per week I am expected to wear skirts and tops--no sleeveless allowed. I will be living in a country where "cool season" averages 78 degrees. No snow for me........I brought the skirts home, and went through my closet and began editing. I have 30 items of clothing that I will take with me----this includes work clothes, play clothes, underclothes, and shoes. Wow. People who know me well know that I have been known to have that many pairs of boots.
This is my choice. I am not going into this recklessly or without preparation. I have always been a really great student and as such, I have done my homework on what I am getting myself into. I have a healthy dose of anxiety about the unknown, and am a weeee bit trepidatious about a few things. But my biggest fear is not about whether or not I can color my hair to cover the gray. It is whether or not I can live without these amazing people in my day to day life. The lack of toilet paper doesn't scare me. But not having them always available does.
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