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Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
9 weeks...
I am not living my life in a "waiting" mode in spite of the title of these posts. I am celebrating the countdown, while living my life as richly as possible. The last couple of weeks have been filled with laughter, love, and fun with a good dose of red wine. I am trying very hard not to live every moment thinking "I will miss this", but it happens, I cannot lie. Several times a day I acknowledge to myself people I will miss, as well as some I won't. The knowledge that I am leaving behind my comfort zone brings a new appreciation of the simple things, and a new readiness to leave certain experiences well behind for a couple of years. For instance--slow drivers in the fast lane. I definitely will NOT miss that.
I am only a little sad that this appreciation of people and things is only now highlighted because of my impending departure. How great would it be if we had this awareness constantly in our lives. Just think, at a party, laughing ridiculously with friends--- what if you just stopped and acknowledged that if these people weren't there, in that moment, that you might not be laughing. Or how about sharing that thought and telling them that you are lucky to have them in your life. We know these things internally, but expressing them externally often makes people uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Get uncomfortable. You might just make someone's day. Life begins outside your comfort zone. I read that somewhere.
I know that I am about to embark on something completely new--- I will not know the language, will be away from my support system, will adjust to living in a sauna with strange customs. I will probably not have a western toilet, internet, Target stores and Mexican food. I will not have liquor stores, television, Hobby Lobby. I will have many challenges in adjusting. So why am I not scared?
As I learn more about what to expect through reading Peace Corps journals, and the blogs of two Peace Corps workers currently in Thailand, I love discussing what I am learning with my friends and family. And they always ask, "Are you sure you want to go? Aren't you scared?" As I internalize those questions and reflect on the many emotions I am experiencing, fear is not one of them. I told my best friends Tina and Roxie that the only things I'm scared of is not being able to just pick up the phone anytime of the day or night and talk to them. I'm scared that my kids won't miss me. I'm scared my dog will not be alive when I get home. I'm scared of bringing the wrong clothes. But I'm not scared of going.
I can't explain how right this decision feels. I think that over the past 10 months since I applied, I spent part of that time looking for a reason to stay. I didn't know what that reason would look like, but I think I was hoping. A new job? The love of my life? A grandchild? Something that would need me. Maybe that's it--I was looking to be needed here. But you know what? This life has been really good to me. My kids are truly self sufficient and amazing. My family is healthy. My work has been fulfilling. But I am needed somewhere else. I guess I am needed in Thailand if I believe all the stuff from the PC. But since receiving the invitation to serve, I've stopped looking for a reason to stay. Because going just feels right.
This will definitely be a journey, not a destination.
I am only a little sad that this appreciation of people and things is only now highlighted because of my impending departure. How great would it be if we had this awareness constantly in our lives. Just think, at a party, laughing ridiculously with friends--- what if you just stopped and acknowledged that if these people weren't there, in that moment, that you might not be laughing. Or how about sharing that thought and telling them that you are lucky to have them in your life. We know these things internally, but expressing them externally often makes people uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Get uncomfortable. You might just make someone's day. Life begins outside your comfort zone. I read that somewhere.
I know that I am about to embark on something completely new--- I will not know the language, will be away from my support system, will adjust to living in a sauna with strange customs. I will probably not have a western toilet, internet, Target stores and Mexican food. I will not have liquor stores, television, Hobby Lobby. I will have many challenges in adjusting. So why am I not scared?
As I learn more about what to expect through reading Peace Corps journals, and the blogs of two Peace Corps workers currently in Thailand, I love discussing what I am learning with my friends and family. And they always ask, "Are you sure you want to go? Aren't you scared?" As I internalize those questions and reflect on the many emotions I am experiencing, fear is not one of them. I told my best friends Tina and Roxie that the only things I'm scared of is not being able to just pick up the phone anytime of the day or night and talk to them. I'm scared that my kids won't miss me. I'm scared my dog will not be alive when I get home. I'm scared of bringing the wrong clothes. But I'm not scared of going.
I can't explain how right this decision feels. I think that over the past 10 months since I applied, I spent part of that time looking for a reason to stay. I didn't know what that reason would look like, but I think I was hoping. A new job? The love of my life? A grandchild? Something that would need me. Maybe that's it--I was looking to be needed here. But you know what? This life has been really good to me. My kids are truly self sufficient and amazing. My family is healthy. My work has been fulfilling. But I am needed somewhere else. I guess I am needed in Thailand if I believe all the stuff from the PC. But since receiving the invitation to serve, I've stopped looking for a reason to stay. Because going just feels right.
This will definitely be a journey, not a destination.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Eleven weeks and counting.....
So.... I have eleven weeks before I leave. And the experiences I've had with friends and family since I received my invitation have been really interesting.
First, my BFF from childhood, (love you Roxie), wanted to know if I was really really really REALLY sure that I wanted to go, and to let me know I could still change my mind. I know this comes from love. She is 95% happy for me and 5% sad for herself. I understand this--I'll miss being able to pick up the phone at any time and talk to her. I'm 5% sad too. But still 95% happy.
My BFF from adulthood, Tina, pointed out that fashion would probably not be my priority--when I was lamenting the fact that all the stores were selling winter wear and that I needed summer clothes. She is right. And, as she has been my hairdresser for over 25 years, she also pointed out that coloring my hair to rid myself of the "gray" might not be a priority either. I'm still dealing with this fact.....I'll let you know when I figure out how to deal with this situation. I felt earlier this year that she was a little angry with me over my need to do follow this path into the Peace Corps. She couldn't really understand why. But what I've figured out is that the people who love me have felt this way, in varying levels. They might not completely understand what has pushed me here, but because they love me, they will support me no matter what. I am really lucky to have this kind of support. Unconditional. And wherever Tina is, I have a home.
My mom has been great-- she is proud of me. She is happy for me. She wants to know everything I know and she is learning to SKYPE, and is anxious but so very proud.......The subscript of every conversation is that she will miss me, and she will worry. I currently speak to my mom every day. I don't think a PC volunteer salary will allow that to continue. Regardless of whatever has happened in my life, my mom is always available for a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or just a comforting voice to hear. I'll miss you too, mom. Every day.
My sons---------- Now my boys are smart young men. They have really good heads on their shoulders and I know they will be fine without me. They are now. I don't speak to them daily, and sometimes not even weekly. I call them when I need a "fix" and they do the same. I know they have their own lives to lead and I am proud of them for doing it so well. But they were the last to respond when I texted out the message "I am leaving for Thailand in January". In fact, I had to text them again and make sure they got the first message. I had dinner with them this week and they asked a lot of questions about what I would be doing, where I would be, was I ready? But I was reassured that they are happy for me. Still the question lingers......will they miss me? Maybe not--but I'm pretty sure they will be happy when I come home. You never fully appreciate your parents until they aren't available. Right?
My brothers-- One, Josh, the person in my family most like me, will definitely come visit me. Of this I have no doubt. The other Gary, my rock and anchor, who when he was is Iraq made it unable for me to take a full breath of oxygen until he returned safely-- he gets it, totally. He is nothing but supportive and encouraging, while still kicking me in the butt when I get too idealistic or romantic about the upcoming experience....... he knows me better than anyone and wants to keep me grounded. I am grateful for him.
My friends have been primarily supportive and I love them for it.
The most surprising as been my dad, though. My dad and I have had a long distance relationship for most of my life. He has never been to a play, choir recital, volleyball game, or wedding for that matter. But we love each other. In a detached kind of way. But since getting word that I am really going, he is full of wisdom, advice, suggestions, and concern. I know this comes from love--I know he loves me. I guess it is just strange to hear that love expressed to the best of his and my capabilities, as frequently as it has been lately. Small blessings, huh?
I shopped yesterday and found some skirts on clearance sale. In Thailand, 5-6 days per week I am expected to wear skirts and tops--no sleeveless allowed. I will be living in a country where "cool season" averages 78 degrees. No snow for me........I brought the skirts home, and went through my closet and began editing. I have 30 items of clothing that I will take with me----this includes work clothes, play clothes, underclothes, and shoes. Wow. People who know me well know that I have been known to have that many pairs of boots.
This is my choice. I am not going into this recklessly or without preparation. I have always been a really great student and as such, I have done my homework on what I am getting myself into. I have a healthy dose of anxiety about the unknown, and am a weeee bit trepidatious about a few things. But my biggest fear is not about whether or not I can color my hair to cover the gray. It is whether or not I can live without these amazing people in my day to day life. The lack of toilet paper doesn't scare me. But not having them always available does.
First, my BFF from childhood, (love you Roxie), wanted to know if I was really really really REALLY sure that I wanted to go, and to let me know I could still change my mind. I know this comes from love. She is 95% happy for me and 5% sad for herself. I understand this--I'll miss being able to pick up the phone at any time and talk to her. I'm 5% sad too. But still 95% happy.
My BFF from adulthood, Tina, pointed out that fashion would probably not be my priority--when I was lamenting the fact that all the stores were selling winter wear and that I needed summer clothes. She is right. And, as she has been my hairdresser for over 25 years, she also pointed out that coloring my hair to rid myself of the "gray" might not be a priority either. I'm still dealing with this fact.....I'll let you know when I figure out how to deal with this situation. I felt earlier this year that she was a little angry with me over my need to do follow this path into the Peace Corps. She couldn't really understand why. But what I've figured out is that the people who love me have felt this way, in varying levels. They might not completely understand what has pushed me here, but because they love me, they will support me no matter what. I am really lucky to have this kind of support. Unconditional. And wherever Tina is, I have a home.
My mom has been great-- she is proud of me. She is happy for me. She wants to know everything I know and she is learning to SKYPE, and is anxious but so very proud.......The subscript of every conversation is that she will miss me, and she will worry. I currently speak to my mom every day. I don't think a PC volunteer salary will allow that to continue. Regardless of whatever has happened in my life, my mom is always available for a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or just a comforting voice to hear. I'll miss you too, mom. Every day.
My sons---------- Now my boys are smart young men. They have really good heads on their shoulders and I know they will be fine without me. They are now. I don't speak to them daily, and sometimes not even weekly. I call them when I need a "fix" and they do the same. I know they have their own lives to lead and I am proud of them for doing it so well. But they were the last to respond when I texted out the message "I am leaving for Thailand in January". In fact, I had to text them again and make sure they got the first message. I had dinner with them this week and they asked a lot of questions about what I would be doing, where I would be, was I ready? But I was reassured that they are happy for me. Still the question lingers......will they miss me? Maybe not--but I'm pretty sure they will be happy when I come home. You never fully appreciate your parents until they aren't available. Right?
My brothers-- One, Josh, the person in my family most like me, will definitely come visit me. Of this I have no doubt. The other Gary, my rock and anchor, who when he was is Iraq made it unable for me to take a full breath of oxygen until he returned safely-- he gets it, totally. He is nothing but supportive and encouraging, while still kicking me in the butt when I get too idealistic or romantic about the upcoming experience....... he knows me better than anyone and wants to keep me grounded. I am grateful for him.
My friends have been primarily supportive and I love them for it.
The most surprising as been my dad, though. My dad and I have had a long distance relationship for most of my life. He has never been to a play, choir recital, volleyball game, or wedding for that matter. But we love each other. In a detached kind of way. But since getting word that I am really going, he is full of wisdom, advice, suggestions, and concern. I know this comes from love--I know he loves me. I guess it is just strange to hear that love expressed to the best of his and my capabilities, as frequently as it has been lately. Small blessings, huh?
I shopped yesterday and found some skirts on clearance sale. In Thailand, 5-6 days per week I am expected to wear skirts and tops--no sleeveless allowed. I will be living in a country where "cool season" averages 78 degrees. No snow for me........I brought the skirts home, and went through my closet and began editing. I have 30 items of clothing that I will take with me----this includes work clothes, play clothes, underclothes, and shoes. Wow. People who know me well know that I have been known to have that many pairs of boots.
This is my choice. I am not going into this recklessly or without preparation. I have always been a really great student and as such, I have done my homework on what I am getting myself into. I have a healthy dose of anxiety about the unknown, and am a weeee bit trepidatious about a few things. But my biggest fear is not about whether or not I can color my hair to cover the gray. It is whether or not I can live without these amazing people in my day to day life. The lack of toilet paper doesn't scare me. But not having them always available does.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Things I've learned in the Last 24 hours about Peace Corps Service inThailand
So----- I've been reading a ton of information that was sent yesterday. The following are things I find really interesting.
First: I was prepared for very primitive living. That is the stereotypical image of serving in the Peace Corps, right? I knew from reading blogs from Peace Corps workers in Thailand, that some of them call themselves "Posh Corps" vs. Peace Corps. I now know this is true. In the reading material I've been given, I know that I will probably have my own apartment, with electricity and indoor plumbing, and (maybe) air conditioning! That is POSH Living! Am I a bad person for being kind of excited about this?
Second: I knew that as a Peace Corps Volunteer, I would get paid whatever is the living wage in the country where I am placed. The concept is that I will be living at the "same level" as my indigenous co-workers. So, guess what my monthly salary will be? Guess! Would you believe the living wage to cover all living expenses, rent, utilities, food, transportation, cell phone, etc--------is $240. Per month! Does that make anyone other than me re-evaluate our American lifestyles? Think about it--$240 covers all living expenses. Wow.
Third: The first three months are considered "pre-service" training. I will be living with a host family, attending language classes, and working on integrating into the culture. At the end of the three months, I will be interviewed, and tested, and evaluated. If I fail to play well with others, demonstrate an inability to be flexible, don't grasp the language, etc-----I will fail to "qualify for service" and they can send me home! If I pass all the above, then I will be "sworn in" as a Peace Corps Volunteer and will move to my post and begin my work. Let's just say I'll be working my fanny off so I qualify....
Whew.....this is a lot of work!!
This is a test--if you are a subscriber, please let me know if this comes directly to your email or not.
First: I was prepared for very primitive living. That is the stereotypical image of serving in the Peace Corps, right? I knew from reading blogs from Peace Corps workers in Thailand, that some of them call themselves "Posh Corps" vs. Peace Corps. I now know this is true. In the reading material I've been given, I know that I will probably have my own apartment, with electricity and indoor plumbing, and (maybe) air conditioning! That is POSH Living! Am I a bad person for being kind of excited about this?
Second: I knew that as a Peace Corps Volunteer, I would get paid whatever is the living wage in the country where I am placed. The concept is that I will be living at the "same level" as my indigenous co-workers. So, guess what my monthly salary will be? Guess! Would you believe the living wage to cover all living expenses, rent, utilities, food, transportation, cell phone, etc--------is $240. Per month! Does that make anyone other than me re-evaluate our American lifestyles? Think about it--$240 covers all living expenses. Wow.
Third: The first three months are considered "pre-service" training. I will be living with a host family, attending language classes, and working on integrating into the culture. At the end of the three months, I will be interviewed, and tested, and evaluated. If I fail to play well with others, demonstrate an inability to be flexible, don't grasp the language, etc-----I will fail to "qualify for service" and they can send me home! If I pass all the above, then I will be "sworn in" as a Peace Corps Volunteer and will move to my post and begin my work. Let's just say I'll be working my fanny off so I qualify....
Whew.....this is a lot of work!!
This is a test--if you are a subscriber, please let me know if this comes directly to your email or not.
Timeline for Peace Corps Application Process
Timeline for Peace Corps application process
December 2011-- completed online application.
January 2012-- first contact with recruiter.
February 2012--interview with recruiter.
March 2012-- nominated to serve in Asia with an expected leave date of January 2013.
June 2012-- completed medical/dental screenings and submitted mountains of paperwork.
September 2012-- received notification of being medically qualified to serve.
October 11, 2012-- received questionnaire from Placement Office.
October 17, 2012-- received invitation to serve in Thailand with staging date of January 11, 2013.
Given that I am an older volunteer, have a long medical history, and that 50% of the people who get invited don't end up going to the location they were nominated for, I have sped through the process with great results.
I am excited about Thailand as a pesca-vegetarian--lots of food options. I am excited about teaching teachers, living in a warm climate, even though I'll probably miss snow a little bit. I am excited to finally have a leave date. And I am excited to be going to a place called the "Land of Smiles". I've been accused of smiling too much. I think it's a good fit.
December 2011-- completed online application.
January 2012-- first contact with recruiter.
February 2012--interview with recruiter.
March 2012-- nominated to serve in Asia with an expected leave date of January 2013.
June 2012-- completed medical/dental screenings and submitted mountains of paperwork.
September 2012-- received notification of being medically qualified to serve.
October 11, 2012-- received questionnaire from Placement Office.
October 17, 2012-- received invitation to serve in Thailand with staging date of January 11, 2013.
Given that I am an older volunteer, have a long medical history, and that 50% of the people who get invited don't end up going to the location they were nominated for, I have sped through the process with great results.
I am excited about Thailand as a pesca-vegetarian--lots of food options. I am excited about teaching teachers, living in a warm climate, even though I'll probably miss snow a little bit. I am excited to finally have a leave date. And I am excited to be going to a place called the "Land of Smiles". I've been accused of smiling too much. I think it's a good fit.
Monday, June 4, 2012
I am 46 years old. My two sons are grown. I have a very short window before (hopefully) these wonderful young men who call me Mom, will make me a "Grandma". So I decided if I was going to do this, apply for the Peace Corps, now is the time. I need to do it now, because once I have grandchildren, I will be "that" Grandma--the one who will lay in the yard and watch ladybugs with them for hours, the one who teaches them the joy of splashing in puddles, fingerpainting, swimming and hiking, and the one, hopefully, who they will come to with their problems. I had that kind of Grandma who gave her time and love, and I will be one too. So for now, it is time to play!
I grew up with a mom whose only regret was that she didn't join the Peace Corps. I remember watching a TV show in the early 70's about a Peace Corps volunteer and I remember thinking, "I want to do that". She was young, had long blonde hair, and had a marvelous adventure as I remember, and during high school, I read a couple of books written by returned Peace Corps volunteers. I am definitely not her, that young girl in the TV show--but I hope for an adventure none-the-less.
I have reached the final stages. Six months ago I sat at my computer and completed the online application. I went through my interview three months ago, and now, I sit, with my medical review forms strewn all across my dining room table, carefully reviewing them before submission making sure all the "I"s are dotted, etc. This has been a huge process.........
I guess if you are the "average" PC volunteer and you are 23 years old, your medical review is probably painless. You haven't had time, really, to have too many health issues. Me, on the other hand------
I'm a cancer survivor. I donated a kidney. I have gone to therapy during moments of transition in my life. The paperwork for these things, in addition to the regular health stuff, has been almost overwhelming. I had a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy due to cancer. But I was ordered to have a pap smear and a mammogram. Really? Got no mams to gram and no paps to smear. Wow.
I am almost finished. I still have to find a doctor to give me a polio vaccine------didn't think this would be an issue but no one I've approached yet will give one to an adult. Volunteering is way more expensive than I thought it would be.
BUT--when I think about being in Asia, working with teachers, working with kids, exploring the culture and the country-----I get a great big grin on my face and I know I'm on the right track. I know this is what I'm meant to do now. I tried a few years ago but hadn't been cancer free long enough. Now----there is nothing holding me back.
I have decisions to make but I am trusting the universe to point me in the right direction. Sell my house or rent? Sell my stuff or store? These are things I'll have to deal with in the upcoming months. But right now, I'm focusing on finishing this last step without pulling my hair out. Once I submit my paperwork, the waiting game begins. I've been warned. I wait. I don't hear anything. Until I get the official "invitation". I will be mailing everything next week. Let the waiting begin.
I grew up with a mom whose only regret was that she didn't join the Peace Corps. I remember watching a TV show in the early 70's about a Peace Corps volunteer and I remember thinking, "I want to do that". She was young, had long blonde hair, and had a marvelous adventure as I remember, and during high school, I read a couple of books written by returned Peace Corps volunteers. I am definitely not her, that young girl in the TV show--but I hope for an adventure none-the-less.
I have reached the final stages. Six months ago I sat at my computer and completed the online application. I went through my interview three months ago, and now, I sit, with my medical review forms strewn all across my dining room table, carefully reviewing them before submission making sure all the "I"s are dotted, etc. This has been a huge process.........
I guess if you are the "average" PC volunteer and you are 23 years old, your medical review is probably painless. You haven't had time, really, to have too many health issues. Me, on the other hand------
I'm a cancer survivor. I donated a kidney. I have gone to therapy during moments of transition in my life. The paperwork for these things, in addition to the regular health stuff, has been almost overwhelming. I had a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy due to cancer. But I was ordered to have a pap smear and a mammogram. Really? Got no mams to gram and no paps to smear. Wow.
I am almost finished. I still have to find a doctor to give me a polio vaccine------didn't think this would be an issue but no one I've approached yet will give one to an adult. Volunteering is way more expensive than I thought it would be.
BUT--when I think about being in Asia, working with teachers, working with kids, exploring the culture and the country-----I get a great big grin on my face and I know I'm on the right track. I know this is what I'm meant to do now. I tried a few years ago but hadn't been cancer free long enough. Now----there is nothing holding me back.
I have decisions to make but I am trusting the universe to point me in the right direction. Sell my house or rent? Sell my stuff or store? These are things I'll have to deal with in the upcoming months. But right now, I'm focusing on finishing this last step without pulling my hair out. Once I submit my paperwork, the waiting game begins. I've been warned. I wait. I don't hear anything. Until I get the official "invitation". I will be mailing everything next week. Let the waiting begin.
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